Am I Becoming the Loser in the Seat Next to Me?

I was on a city bus today, and sat down next to a young man. He had apparently been making conversation with the young woman seated across the aisle, and he exclaimed to her, "The bus filled up fast!" He had evidently missed his opportunity to switch seats and sit next to her before a crowd of passengers, including me, had gotten on.

This turn of events seemed at first put an end to their conversation, but the young man started talking to her again, raising his voice across me and the empty seat beside her. I thought this a bit rude towards me, but at the same time admired his tenacity in maintaining a conversation with the young woman. It was evident from their discourse that they were in the process of getting acquainted. Either they had just met, or were classmates who barely knew each other. It occured to me to say, "Would you two like to sit together?" but I hesitated, then came up with all sorts of reasons why I shouldn't, and sat there between them like a potted rhododendron.

What this brought up for me is a strange duality in concepts of appropriate behaviour. On the one hand, I think it's appropriate behaviour on a bus to be respectful of the people around you, and offer them privacy, and comfort, and personal space, and not intrude on their conversations. On the other, I felt that offering them a second chance at sitting together might totally make their day. This latter behaviour on my part reflects the world I would like to live in, and it puzzles me that the behaviour of the world of other peoples' rules and social cues took precedence.

In retrospect, I could have really had some fun with the situation. By the fact that they kept on talking, it was a safe bet that they would take me up on my offer to switch seats, even if it put them on the spot a little. I could have said:

ME: Would you two like to sit together?
HIM: Sure, thanks!
ME: Well you can't. You had your chance back there when the bus started to fill up, but you hesitated and now the moment is passed. Now you have to sit next to me and listen to my yakkin'.
HIM: Waaaaaaa...?
ME: Hard lesson for you pal, because she's a really pretty girl. How old are you?
HIM: Uhh...twenty-six...wha...?
ME: Twenty-six! And you're still letting opportunities like this slide past you? Tsk tsk, when will you learn?
HIM: Waaaaa....?!!
ME: When do you think you're going to meet another girl like this? Does this happen every day for you? And you go and blow your chance! She's got a beautiful smile, and she's bright, and engaging. You could have simply said, [to her] "I'm enjoying talking with you, but the bus is filling up fast; would you like to sit together?"
HER: Um...sure
[I move to the seat beside her]
HIM: Waaaaaaaaaa!!!
ME: See, this could be you sitting next to the pretty girl, but instead it's me. I trust you'll remember this. [to her] Hi, what's your name?


But I find I lack the energy to engage with a situation like that. I can think about it afterward, or even in my head at the time, but I hesitate to just say the words and get it underway. Kind of like the loser in the seat next to me.

Gary Winogrand said, "The primary experience of living in a city is ignoring the other people who live there." Maybe I just have trouble switching that faculty on and off at the drop of a hat. Of course, I have trouble talking to a friend if we run into each other unexpectedly. If I'm in a "surrounded by strangers" mindset, I tend to settle there, even if a friend suddenly appears. So maybe it's a reluctance to accept the new reality, whether it be running into a friend, or recognizing a situation on a bus. A failure to respond. Ir-response-able.